


i'll show you what that big word means

by theseourbodies



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-16
Updated: 2014-10-20
Packaged: 2018-02-04 20:30:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1792213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theseourbodies/pseuds/theseourbodies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You know, if you'd been honest to begin with, none of this would have happened. Maybe she would have broken your heart, but you're a big boy. You could have handled it."</p>
<p>Peeta Mellark says something ill-considered with his back against the wall. You could say it comes back to bite him in the ass. </p>
<p>(Or, Misunderstandings and fights and funding. Everything you ever wanted in the private school AU you never asked for.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. in all chaos there is calculation

**Author's Note:**

> /sweats/ hey there. This is a product of my general fascination with high school AUs, very slytherin Peeta Mellark, and a great conversation with a friend about the sad lack of vicious high school athlete-soulmates Cato and Clove. 
> 
> Um. More of that later, though.
> 
> For now, you should know that this is a story about a misunderstanding. I feel like, despite his position in this chapter, I need to say that Gale isn't a monster or a villain. He's just a kid who is worried about his friend's well being. 
> 
> Gen for now, but I should tell you that I support all kinds of smooching.

Peeta Mellark would like to say that he hangs around Scholarship Kids Katniss Everdeen and Gale Hawthorne because they have a certain magnetism that draws quite a lot of attention from the spawn of a lot of important people. He makes sure that he gets to know them through said interesting spawn, mainly because it keeps him from tripping up to Katniss with the miniature painting of her namesake he's been obsessively perfecting since he saw her squaring off against Glimmer in APUSH about Andrew Jackson. Like he said, it's important that everyone thinks that Katniss and Gale are an opportunity for him. Maybe then Katniss won't kick his ass when she catches him staring one time too many. 

He doesn't think about Gale and Gale's general ill-will towards him until Gale takes it upon himself to shove Peeta against a wall one day after school to tell him that Katniss has enough problems in her life, she doesn't need a bottom feeder like him taking advantage of her.

That... That hurts in a way that Gale's arm across his throat never could. Gale has his free hand pinning one of Peeta's arms to the wall, and it's clenched right over a bruise his mother had left a day ago. Peeta focuses on that discomfort so he doesn't have to think about what Gale means. What Gale thinks, what _Katniss_ must think. He had never considered that doing a better job than everyone else at hiding his intentions would work so terribly well. He wants to cry, a little, in frustration and confusion. He's the last person Gale should be shoving into walls, not when he and Katniss are thick as thieves with Finnick Odair and fox-faced Cassandra Wakefield. 

He lets himself feel sorrow, draws on his actual confusion to construct an expression that he hopes isn't as devastated as he feels. He's honest enough with Gale, just tells him not to worry about it anymore, he's gotten what he needs (the first is the truth, the second is a lie.) He'll leave her alone if Gale will just let him go (he doesn't have to fake the creeping desperation in his voice. He can't handle being held down when he's this stressed out and the bruise is starting to _hurt_.)

Gale lets him go and presumably goes prancing back to Katniss' side like a good dog that's scared off a wild animal (what? Peeta can't be kind spirited all the time. Allow him some bitterness) and Peeta…doesn't go home. He kips out with some kind-eyed friends he'd met at art camp some time ago. They were neither of them much for speaking, but their home was warm and bright and he'd take his mother's unhappiness for a moment of tranquility.

It's not his mother he has to worry about, it turns out. The next day, when he wanders by the spot where Katniss and her friends settle before classes without stopping for more than a smile at Johanna and a quick joke with Beetee, he's halfway up the school steps when he hears a flurry of shouts behind him. Katniss has him on the ground before he can even turn fully, her furious face an inch from his when she flips him onto his back and wraps her hands around double fist-fulls of his uniform shirt. It hurts, but it's surprise that rips the little shout out of him, shock and pain breaking any thought he may have formed as she snarled into his face about being a _liar_ and _making fun of her_ and _what the hell, Mellark_. It took Gale, Finnick, and, eventually, Professor Abernathy, to pull her off of Peeta's shocked-still body. Professor Abernathy hauls Peeta up himself and drags him and Katniss both into his office. Reluctantly fond of both of them, he clearly wants to handle this without involving any of the administration. Peeta feels helplessly grateful as he absently presses at the back of his head and desperately tries to figure out what just happened. 

Thankfully, Katniss doesn't seem inclined to keep him waiting. "Why did you lie to Gale?" she asks, her eyes flashing, "He said that you'd already gotten what you needed from me, what the hell was that? You barely talk to me and then you imply that we, that we--"

Peeta thinks that if he shakes his head any harder he has a real chance of passing out. He fights down the sudden nausea (concussion, god _dammit_ ) and spits out, "No, _no_ , that's not what I meant at all, I swear to you. I swear." He doesn't like how his voice keeps cracking. His head hurts so bad. "That wasn't what I was implying. You, you're so magnetic, ok, you kind of stormed the school and people, people like that. Interesting. I mean, shit, it's interesting so a lot of people try to get close to you." He swallows and fights the urge to put his head between his knees. Peeta refuses to look at Katniss but Professor Abernathy isn't any better. Haymitch has a pinched expression framing his deep, sad eyes, and Peeta forces himself to continue. "Those people would be good to know. For, for me, for my family. Stuff like that. That's all. That's all I meant." He bites down on the rest of it, gives in to temptation and closes his eyes. He had been so ready to face this day. How the hell had it gone so wrong so fast? "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I made you think that I'm the kind of person who would-- who would say something like that. And I'm sorry I made it seem like I was living up to those expectations. I'm sorry I said anything at all."

Professor Abernathy still looks disappointed, but there isn't anything more to say. Normally Peeta would be more willing to sound less like an ass, less like an asshole transferring blame, but his head hurts and his shoulder is throbbing and he didn't go home last night and he's such a _liar_ , such a liar, and he wishes he had been embarrassing and juvenile instead of being so good at doing what he does. He's going to have nightmares about Katniss' face when she had slammed him into the ground because he had been so caught up with his stupid fucking feelings that he had forgotten that she was a person and the things he said about her _mattered_. 

He waits for the axe to fall and he isn't disappointed. 

"How about you don't pretend at all. Don't pretend to care and you won't ever have to worry about screwing up next time.” The _If there is a next time_ went unspoken. “I don't want to hear you say you're sorry again, so either stay away from me or be honest for once in your pampered life." He glances her way through one eye and she's staring at him like she's trying to read between some invisible lines. He doesn't want to think about what she thinks she sees, so he just nods slowly. Katniss searches his face; maybe she’s sees something satisfying, because she thrusts her hand towards him with a silent demand in her eyes and the stubborn jut of her chin. It takes more effort than he cares to admit, but he straightens up, meets her stare and shakes her offered hand, trembling on the edge of hysterics. God, he loves high school. 

Katniss slides off the chair and sweeps up her coat; everything else had been left out front with Peeta's art bag and backpack. She gives Haymitch a sullen apology when he gives her a look, but doesn't wait around for him to pass judgement; like Peeta, she trusts the professor to keep her safe from the administration, and it makes her bold where it just makes Peeta feel safe. When she leaves, shutting the door slowly behind her, Haymitch leans back and lays all his focus on Peeta. 

"She got you good, didn't she?" 

Peeta can't bring himself to nod, sick of feeling sick and not sure what to do about besides stay still. 

"Well, I hope you realize that her getting the wrong idea isn't really her fault."

"Yeah, I. I messed up."

Professor Abernathy didn't really soften his expression of mild censure, but then, Peeta wasn't sure if his face was capable of softness. His grip was certainly gentle when he levered Peeta out of the chair, leading him out of the office and down the hall. The nurse. They were going to see the nurse. Peeta should object to that, but then, they wouldn't make him take off his shirt for a possible concussion. Held helpless by the growing pain and the professor's grip, Peeta shrugged stiffly and muttered, "It was better than telling Gale that I'm probably in love with her. It would have been him who beat the shit out of me, then." 

"Ah. That's-- actually, no, that makes a lot of sense. That's being a little hard on Mr. Hawthorne, but then again, he may have been more inclined to think you were lying. You are very good at hiding things like this, congratulations." The professor sounded a little impressed. Peeta wanted to laugh, but the movement and pounding in his head made him heave instead. The rest of the trip was silent and hurried, and when they reached the nurses station, Ms. Trinket made an outraged noise and settled Peeta down on one of the cots in the back. As her bubblegum pink curls bopped away, Haymitch settled down on the chair beside the cot. He clearly wasn't done with Peeta, but Peeta was ready to get over this. The concussion, Katniss, this horrible fucking situation in general. He almost said so, but the professor beat him to it. 

"You know, if you'd been honest to begin with, none of this would have happened. Maybe she would have broken your heart, but you're a big boy. You could have handled it."

Peeta hadn't wanted to handle it. He'd wanted to hang around Katniss because he liked how she looked when she smirked and he liked it ever more when she smirked at him. It wasn't about struggling in silence, it wasn't about struggling at all. It was just. A nice thing that he hadn't had to think about and he hadn't really had to maneuver around; he had met some nice people with good connections and he had gotten to spend time with Katniss. It had been going so well. 

These things always went so well until they didn't. He had forgotten the way of the world, for once, and that was his mistake. 

He sighed. How melodramatic, Jesus. "I was handling it. I just thought I was doing a better job at not being That Asshole." 

Professor Abernathy just cocked his head and said, slowly, "I think maybe the problem was you did too good of a job, bud. Think about that while Ms. Trinket looks you over. I'll talk to Katniss tonight. No, don't worry," he said quickly when Peeta made an inarticulate sound of panic, "your secret's safe with me, Peeta. I'm not that evil. But you otta think over your commitment to suffering in silence. Tell her what happened, when you aren't possibly concussed. Maybe you'll salvage this friendship with some of your dignity intact."

Peeta had had his head busted by the love of his life this morning because he had convinced her he was a sleazy scumbag to avoid her confronting him about his feelings. What fucking dignity did he have left?


	2. the fire's found a home in me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss reacts badly to the mess Peeta has made. No one blames her, and that's the part to remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello. I sat on this installment for a long time, but I think it's as finished as it's going to be. This is only the second chapter, there is one more chapter to come.
> 
> I hope switching pov characters isn't a big turn off...

Later, Katnis doesn’t want to feel grateful that Gale had called her, his voice trembling with something that was too far south of rage, closer to panic. 

He had told her that he had talked to Peeta, and at first that's why she had been so angry. They only lived three blocks away. She had hung up and marched over to his house, where her righteous fury had battered against his own indignation and simmering panic. 

Fighting with Gale was always difficult. It didn't happen too often, but this had been building for years. Peeta had been a sticking point for a while, and she hated him a little because of it. Because she had his measure, or she thought she had, and he was a quiet boy with the kind of inner peace that she liked more than she liked to admit. He made her smile, and the things that he was passionate about, though few and far between, got him talking like a poet sometimes. She didn't have much cause to talk to him on a regular basis, or much at all really, but when they did talk she always walked away feeling like she had learned something. It made her feel less like she had had something taken away from her, like she sometimes felt when she talked to Fox or Finnick. 

So she doesn't want to know about what Peeta told Gale. She doesn't want to hear it, but she also knows that it's mostly because she doesn't want to be wrong about Peeta Mellark.

They keep fighting until Mrs. Hawthorne drags Gale back inside. Katniss can't take her dirty looks today.  
She heads home and lets Prim distract her with her latest writing project and doesn't think about Peeta Mellark until he walks past her in the morning, with a smile for Johanna and a word for Beetee and nothing at all for Katniss and Gale. 

Not a look. Not even that. He's gotten what he wanted, after all. 

She wanted to hit herself for the stupid melodrama, but that would be much less satisfying than hitting him. 

 

Katniss had known what she and Gale were getting into when they had turned in what felt like novels worth of information to the Academy to prove that yes, they were at the poverty level, yes, they were indeed intellectually qualified, and yes, they were good children that had three essay's worth of anecdotes and thesis statements that essentially amounted to the general plea, please allow our dirty feet to tread in your halls of knowledge. Gale had more to say about it than she did, but Gale generally had more to say period. 

The point is, they wouldn't have gone through the trial of applying for the scholarship if they both weren't prepared for what that would mean. If anything, they had overestimated the unkindness of their peers, which was a first for the both of them. Maybe it was Gale's easy laughter, or the way she carried herself-- "Like a tornado couldn't knock you down," Gale used to say, not because she was overly inspiring but because Mrs. Hawthorne would have knocked his teeth out of his head if he had said _you've got an attitude like a brick shithouse, Katniss,_ like she thinks he wanted to. It may have been their novelty--two fairly whole scholarship kids from the bad part of town who could still walk and talk like real people. Ooh, the shock, Gale would say, had said, when they had been approached by the first two brave souls. 

Since then it's been more comfortable than she liked to look at too closely. Katniss has a moment when she has Peeta Mellark (liarliar _liar_ ) shoved into the dirt where the hands fisted in his shirt aren't hers and she can watch herself slam him to the ground like one of her panicked friends. 

She's a little grateful when Gale grabs onto her. He's talking, always talking to her, telling her to chill out and calm down and then, right before Haymitch all but grabs her by the ear and hauls her to his office, he tells her, "You're ok, Katniss, it'll be ok. It's ok." 

It helps more than she likes to admit, but when she's half hurled into a chair in front of Haymitch's ill-kept desk she also thinks bitterly that it's the only apology she's going to get from Gale. It had been her fists in Peeta's shirt, but it was Gale's rage beneath her skin, Gale's righteous indignation lighting fires under her skin. Katniss thinks that she could have lived her entire life without ever needing to know about Peeta Mellark's rotten center. He was such a good liar, she would never have figured it out; that had to be the point of lying in the first place. Gale had had to know though, because he was angry about a lot of things that he had no power over and it had given him a need that only personal safety could satisfy. It was never just his personal security that he was worried about, though, and that's what got the two of them into trouble like this. Now she had to care about what Peeta had said because Gale had told her about it. She wasn't a liar, and she couldn't go back to ignorance now. 

So as she sits across from Haymitch and his unhappy face, she doesn't care when Peeta presses a hand to the back of his head. Waiting for him to complain about it is beyond her patience right now. Katniss has grievance enough, after all. 

"Why did you lie to Gale?" is not what she means to ask, but it feels right once she's spit it out. "You told him that you'd already gotten what you needed from me, what the hell was that? You barely talk to me, and then you imply that we, that we--" she almost can't say it, but in the end it doesn't matter; Peeta shakes his head viciously and cuts her off.

"No, no, that isn't what I meant, not at all, I swear. I swear to you, that wasn't what I was implying." He might say I swear again, and it's strange to hear him so ragged. He looks like he might be sick, but there's molten heat on her cheeks and a pounding starting at her temples; she can't say that she cares. Katniss just wants a straight answer, for once. Just this once. Peeta won't look at her; instead he tells the ground in front of Haymitch's desk that Katniss is magnetic, and that alone would have taken a few days to understand. The people that have taken to hanging around Katniss and Gale are apparently the right kinds of people. The mistake takes shape as he explains it, but it feels strange when she tries to put everything together. It feels like something is missing and it makes her even angrier. She doesn't want his half whispered apology. She wants the missing piece. 

The hot, uncomfortable feeling in her gut, is hard to ignore. It becomes clear that demanding that piece from him is too much for her right now. Hitting him is still too appealing, and she doesn't want to be accidentally labeled a savage as well as whore. It’s time to leave. 

Katniss collects her coat and forgets to ask Haymitch for permission to leave. She’s already late, after all. 

**Author's Note:**

> What do you think? Gimme some thoughts.


End file.
